Profile: Robert "Tangent" Howard

Apologies for how slapdash the previous article was. In time, it will be cleaned up a little (and for those who asked: Jennie will be a subject I return to from time to time in more detail. That's a wellspring of material). However, so as not to seem like a one-trick pony, we're going to go after a new target today. This is most likely going to be the longest thing I write for this blog at any point, and that's because I go back a good deal of time with today's subject.

Profile: Robert "Tangent" Howard
Actual Name: Robert A. Howard. Hell if I know what the A stands for.
Aliases: Tangent, "the Kitten Collective"
Reason(s) Listed: For being an attention-seeker, hypocrite, and general nuisance to all the boys and girls on the internet who follow webcomics.
Personal Reason(s) Listed: Because he irritates the shit out of me and has for years. (Hey, I'm not going to lie.)

You know how when you're on a job interview, you're asked "What is your greatest flaw?", and you're expected to give some weaselly response like "I work too hard for my own good" or something? Tangent (the name I always knew him by, thus, the one I use) writes webcomic reviews in that fashion. Actual criticisms he's used in the past (not even in his own reviews: he's more than happy to travel to your forums and fellate you publicly!) include gems like "You've been trying for perfection too much" (also good: look at the second line of his post two down from that one), and my favorite: "I end up blaming myself for the stupidity of these characters", "Josh Lesnick, I love your comic [...] but don't quit your day job" (Josh's comic IS his day job... nice research, Mr. Professional).

You may notice a lot of those quotes were found on the Keenspot message boards. This is for a reason: I first encountered Tangent there years ago, before he began running his comic blog in an attempt to become e-famous like all the cartoonists whom he wasn't talented enough to become one of. It's also handy because he sucks up to so many artists there it's almost frightening. If he hasn't given you the usual "review" treatment, don't worry, it just means he's still trying to load your page. (Poor dude's on dial-up. I almost want to pepper this post with images for when he name-searches himself next.)

The man has a high opinion of himself. I'm going to be frank: a lot of you here probably came via Your Webcomic Is Bad And You Should Feel Bad. Odds are, due to this, you might have seen the explosion in the comments when he arrived and began defending various comics. Thankfully, it means that in the space of about ten comments, I can demonstrate why he gets under my skin so:
* He doesn't actually criticize. - "This comic was great before it started to... be less great. Yes! Nobody gets their feelings hurt today!"
* He has the wit of a twelve-year old and the arrogance to boot. - Get so insulted that you're "leaving forever" (and then come back an hour later to toss out a weak insult), only to go claim you could TOTALLY take that guy off the internet on your own boards, while saying that you'll nuke anyone trying to link to the place you ran away from. Real mature. Just like not responding anymore when someone shoots down your claim with actual logic.
* He's a pussy - Actually, I think I just covered this one. Whoops. Didn't mean to merge these two. Here. Another example, using the comments once again. Admittedly crudely, his logic on his review stance is refuted, and yet despite obviously following more events at a later time, he never responds to the retort.
* He's 35-ish and he still randomly *types things like this* in the midst of conversations (see last link) - Enough said, really. For fuck's sake, there's no excuse for that at 15, much less double that and change. (Also: quit fucking misusing the word "evil", you hack. Evil is the sort of thing that ends in wars, innocent deaths, and horrors that leave scars upon the world for ages to come. The closest you'll get is if someone uses you as an example of how not to write for generations to come, granting you an unholy quasi-life in the consciousness of those trying to improve themselves.)

Anyway. Let's get on to more of the "why Tangent is crazy" and less of the "why Fletcher wants to punch him in the face", shall we? To begin: he's so deluded as to think that he can turn a fanfic into a novel. Oh, let's not forget more arrogance. I mean, we were all wondering if he was dreaming of married comic artists, right? I love it when people think forums are a blog. Not like he had one of those then, no sir. But his peak, his zenith, his magnum opus of insanity?

He thinks he speaks for killer kittens.
No, really. (Also funny on that last one is that he's glad to tell you that he dreams of Maritza Campos, as seen above, but if you say she's sexy? Killer kittens will attack you. Ah, hypocrisy.) Seriously. I'd say he's joking, but it ends up everywhere he goes.

Also ending up everywhere he goes is that he's "the biggest fan" of a strip called College Roomies From Hell. He mentions it everywhere. In spades. I'm serious, this was all within one page of searching. I got ~200 hits. But that's okay. As much as he'll toot someone else's horn, he's MUCH more happy to suck up for e-fame wherever he can. After all, if someone spies your review and shows it to fans, why not devote a week of reviews to them with your first post? Or popping out to say that the thing everyone's gushing over came from you in the first place? Oh, and let's not forget complimenting others by comparing them to yourself. But it's not all that nice. I mean, sometimes you have to point out how nobody else can review comics the right way anymore... besides Robert A. Howard, that is! Why, he does it so well, he'll come tell you himself if you fail to share the news with all. Even if he already mentioned that he was writing it two posts ago and his blog is linked in his signature, stapled to every post he makes, everywhere on the internet, or in case he reviews you again and you don't say anything the second time.

But wait. Perhaps I am just jealous that I cannot barge in and toss out links to articles like this one. Let's see what other people have to say when he starts trying to throw his name around like a hotshot on a more civil webcomic blog (sadly, no links to comments, but just search for the text and you'll find them):
"Tangent’s lips must be pretty huge if he’s able to plant them so firmly on so many asses at once." -Phil Kahn
"So bow out. You have nothing to add, so stop running in like you have something to add.", "Robert, you are incredibly deluded.", "I have some respect for Burns and White and Campbell. If I were them, I’d be saying “This guy, Tangents, he’s not really part of the discussion. He likes to pretend he is. He’s not representative of us.”" -Kristofer Straub
"Robert, if you think you have nothing to add to the discussion, cut it out." -Wednesday White
"This is the sort of argument a ten-year-old makes." (on his opening post), "Rob, until you have read [the book being discussed], maybe you should be the one to withhold judgment. Right now you’re looking like an apologist.", "[...S]hut up and let the big boys play. I don’t even know why you continue to say things after you’ve already admitted you are ignorant and incapable of carrying on a discussion on this topic. I also don’t know why I keep responding. It probably has something to do with entertainment value but that value is fading quickly.

Rob, you’re littering this blog with your stupidity. Please go away now. You will be doing yourself a favor." -Jon Rosenberg

Okay, so I guess people in this field may share my opinion that he's an arrogant prat with the ability to speak for hours and say nothing. But perhaps he has better qualities! I mean, it's not like he's making potentially pedophiliac (when out of context) comments. Or being disturbingly protective of people over the internet, usually married/otherwise involved. And no, he'd never be so self-important as to think that people want him dead for his reviews, because a martyr complex just doesn't suit him. He always does the right thing, you see, even when it means telling the hard truths like "Don't be a dick". I know how many of us have trouble saying that, right? Just like all men are afraid to admit they want to change into women... or cats, wolves, dolphins, or hawks.

But to be honest, it's some of the rumored stuff I find funniest, despite not being able to source it. Sadly, my inability to find proof means I will mention none of it, but really, look around a little. I suspect you can find some of it... and after all this, it's really not that hard to believe, either.