That said, tonight we have a fun game. I'm going to gather some alcohol, and the CAD Animated Series DVD. I'll be watching it all, from episode 1 to the last (12, if you recall). For your amusement, though, I'll be playing a drinking game, and chronicling this entire endeavor. I'm recording audio of the experience (read: there's a headset strapped to my face), which may find its way online at some point as well if it's funny enough. The rules are as follows:
- Every time Ethan does something "wacky": 1 drink. (I suspect this will be the killer.)
- Every time the robot makes a "kill all humans" statement: 1 drink
- Anytime I can catch a plot twist/scene as being lifted directly from another source, like a sitcom: 2 drinks
- Swedish Chef tries murdering Ethan: 2 drinks and give a goddamn cheer
- Anytime I catch myself going "BUCKLEEEEEEY": 1 drink and self-loathing for doing this
- See the Blind Ferret animation: 1 drink
That's all I've got, because I've forgotten most of the episodes I reviewed (the entirety of what I remember is "Swedish Chef episode" and "Golfing range cold open"), and so I can't make this game more accurate without watching this TWICE, and there is no way in hell I will ever do such.
Also, if any of the HTML looks weird: I'm getting drunk, cut me some slack.
That said, the warnings are done and I'm popping the thing in now to finish this off for good. I'd like to give a final shout out to Robbie Tangents once more, for being enough of a ponce to get kicked off of his former webhost in my absence. I'd claim we were all pulling for you, buddy, but I'm pretty sure the only pulling I can imagine you being involved in is your limp form dragged behind a truck, your legs strapped to a trailer hitch.
EPISODE 1:
One shot for the opening and we're already off. My god, I'd forgotten how piss-poor this looks... but wow, it makes that trailer for Season 2 look better by comparison. No wonder he showed tha- oh good, another drink from Ethan! Dick.
You can all claim I'm cheating by ignoring the intro, but that's saving me three swigs of this shit an episode. I'm taking two for Blind Ferret per episode alone.
"I spent my rent on video games" = more booze! Wow, this seems better when this is in my system, I do so admit. I'm already less irate than when I first watched this! Ahahaha, wow, I'm cackling over Ethan falling off the roof. Does this count as a lack of human empathy or just unexpected comedy? Fuck it, Ethan's inhuman, so I'm still sane. Sane-ish. This is not helping my case.
END OF EPISODE DRINK COUNT (yes these are all typed up in advance, which is why they'll remain static while I get shitfaced): 9 drinks
EPISODE 2:
Fuck it I'm finishing the bottle on this swig. AAAAAAand the cold open has me taking no less than 5 swigs anyway. Oh look rapeface, time to down another. This shit is abominable and this whole episode is nothing but "zany" Ethan. I'm beginning to feel buzzed.
END OF EPISODE DRINK COUNT: 20 drinks, 2 bottles down
EPISODE 3:
"Fucking evolution!" That sums this up perfectly. You've disproved Intelligent Design Buckkley. Just by existing. Look! TRAnshmumansiom! Dresdneucodak eat your heart out. SO ZANY!!!!
END OF EPISODE DRINK COUNT: fuck this count, 4 bottles of 6 down
EPISODE 4:
FUCK THAT FERRET what the hell WHY DOES IT SOUND LIKE NOW IT'S RECORDED INSIDE A GARBAGE CAN bitchy wife has a lisp now wow WAIT ahahahahaha this is the chef one BORK BORK BORK I'm gonna type "BORK" the whole episode BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK BORK aaaaaaww i tended. bork
END OF EPISODE DRINK COUNT: bork bork bork bork bork bork FUCKING FERRET GOD DAMN
EPISODE 5:
this is new territory now wow still shit though no cold open wow handy getting into this madness faster OH WHAT THE FUCK THESE GUYS OH GODDAMNIT NO NO NO NO NOT THE FUCKING CHEF FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK BUCKYYYY oh my god at least it was brief uwagh more boooooooze please'
END OF EPISODE DRINK COUNT: 6-pack gone need shots
EPISODE 6:
you have to be shitting me he can't be doing this whole thing in blackness with only eyes this is some chris clairemond bullshit right here oh wait candles WHAT THE FUCK his mouth twitched this animation is so bad hahahaha the fucking robot died what the fuck how does this pussy not have a ds or some shit AHAHAHAHA he had a stroke oh what the fuck no he lived aWHAT THE FUCK TWO PARTS OF THIS BULLSHIT
END OF EPISODE DRINK COUNT: rum is my only friend anymore WHY DID YOU ALL LEAVE ME ALONE
EPISODE 7:
what the fuck he's writing a manifesto in blood how is this not the world's biggest troll holy fucking hell HEY FUCK YOU PAL DDR IS FUN wait this is his trap the dumb fuck has a ds now what the shit HEY look someone else ha OH MY GOD he did not just say 'gaming god' the fuck oh my god star trek references fuck it i don't care anymore BUCJEY YOU'RE THE BIGGEST FAGGOT ALIVE AND I HOPE YOUR CHILDREN ARE ALL STILLBORN YOUR COWFLLAYING WHORE DIES IN LABOR AND THE POLICE FIND THOSE PICTURES ON YOUR HARD DRIVE YOU TNRASMNUJHGSIT SHIT YOU:RE THE BIBFFET oh nits over
END OF EPISODE DRINK COUNT: RRRUUUMMM
EPISODE 8:
GULAG GLUGGGLULG RMUMMMMMM VRVRMMMM RMMMMMMM EEEEEEEEEE DADAYITONONNONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA DICKCHINGINNGER AAHAHAHHAHAH okay type slow so this makes sense how does he "hate" ddr and get the songs right also did he ask to use that shit somehow i doubt konami got money for this what the fuck am i talking about fuck buckley anyway
END OF EPISODE DRINK COUNT: glug
EPISODE 9:
no cold open bad? took three tries to make question mark oh god ANOTHER RANDOM EPISODE AAAAAAAGHH WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT
END OF EPISODE DRINK COUNT: screeeeea m aAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH
EPISODE 10:
what the fuck no no no no no tell me this is not some anti jack thompson bullshit oh my god it's a star wars parody oh god "the ownage" what the fuck WHAT THE FUCK THOMPSON AND STAR WARS WHO THINKS THIS IS A GOOD IDEA oh my god this make s you a bigger faggot than furries buccky boy how does this kind of shit have fans oh that's right MAN-CHILDREN you dumb FUCKS
END OF EPISODE DRINK COUNT: OUT OF BOOOOOOOOZE NOOOOOOOOOO
EPISODE 11:
oh my god it's tonguing more of it quality so bad worst one yet sounds like the mic is in my ass yoda parody too jesus christ this is so bad awful all of it see it coming from miles away
END OF EPISODE DRINK COUNT: stop taunting meeeeeeee
EPISODE 12:
i did NOT just hear "the clinton" tell me i did not hear that this is horrible i am never doing this again season 2 can fuck itself you guys go pirate it or something i am not watching that trash sound still awful wow bubba = jabba so witty oh my god they couldn't find a second woman to do voices so hilray clinton sounds like a robot hol shit lunux dude is animated now wow 'take this tool' sums this up pretty well wow what the hell did he just make jack thompson bust into flames this thing is flaming like buckley ahahahahahahaha fuck thats over now
END OF EPISODE DRINK COUNT: going to store for drinnnnnk
FINAL THOUGHTS:
funcking suUUUUUCKED
30 comments:
Well I just watched the first 8 or so episodes just the other day and didn't think they were as bad as you said. (Note: you will never hear me say they are good)
But I think it was a combination of things that made them seem less horrible then you first wrote:
1.) I had not slept for a full week before watching
2.) I was watching them as about 3AM, almost ANYTHING seems funny at 3AM to me
3.) I read your reviews before I had seen the episode so every thing that I saw, that was slightly better then you made it sound, looked like a shining achievement
Episode 4 is definitely the least painful of the bunch and the Swedish Chef thing was actually genuinely funny
...BORK!
I swear to God, I'd rather get polio than watch that shit.
Well, at least if you stop updating again we'll all have a pretty good idea of why.
LOOOOL
Oh apparently a bunch of childfree people on LJ are reeeeeeeing and baaaawwwwing because Ethan's girlfriend is going to have a baby.
Lol.
But to be honest, the thought of Ethan becoming a father is rather disturbing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PlzKXMHKkDg
Nice to have you back, Fletcher.
I enjoyed quite a bit of laughter from your post and Buckley's complete lack of originality.
When you find the time to do so, I am sure we would love one more go at another JDR or Anne Onymous-level Drama Llama.
Oh, speaking of JDR, your review was absolutely accurate. Sensible debate apparently does not exist in her mindset. She is supreme queen of all of creation and anyone who disagrees is an ignorant troll. Ugh...
Keep up the good work, man.
Great post; hope it's not the last for quite a while. The way the narrative descends into drunkenness, well, it was almost hypnotic.
It's like you were channeling Lyle Gabriel. I love it.
your liver hates you for the booze, your mind hates you for the "cartoons"
you may reap a grim harvest one day if you continue to pollute yourself in such shameful ways
so what do you think of this pregnancy story arc - i've never visited the cad site before and dont intend to start now, but do you think the baby will
a: be a talking/intelligent baby like stewie from family guy or maggie from the simpsons
b: be some sort of video-game christ savior in keeping with this bizarre gaming religion angle he seems to be pulling
c: ?MYSTERY?
d: whoops it was a switcheroo mistake she's not really pregnant at all lololol
Ethan realizes he's not ready for the responsibility of a baby. Ethan goes through a series of growing experiences to get ready. Lilah has a miscarriage. Ethan sad. Single-panel comic of little baby in gamer heaven, possibly with a poem.
Malethoth K. said...
Fuck. Sadly, that sounds really plausible given how all the recent CAD strips have been. Oh well, don't series usually end when one of the main characters gets married/has a child?
My theory is that he's ripping this entire storyline from Scrubs pretty much wholesale--jokes about flipping a coin to decide on abortion, jokes about dropping the baby, psychologically disturbed menchild becoming parents... And Scrubs IS ending.
But I REALLY doubt that Buckley's gonna end CAD.
Also Video Game Dudes: The Animated Series gave me a boner
Those drinking rules are like a how-to booklet on woeful lonely suicide. How are you not dead right now?
My God, you should've used Zima or something. I'm getting cirrhosis just looking at those rules. You're a brave soul. I had a great laugh at this. This reminds me of the time I had to drink vodka and coke just to make the Bewitched movie watchable.
Update!
Or at least get Solomon to re-add comments to his blog, like he said he was going to three weeks ago? More Synergy or the like wouldn't be unappreciated either.
Oh, and that's a review of the dozen CAD movies that I can stomach. Now if I could just stomach the idea of all that alcohol.
He did re-add comments, azzev. Click on the name of the article and it'll take you to them.
Well, that shows how little I know about blogs. Thanks!
Question: Did the booze make it anymore tolerable?
Hey Fletcher, can you nudge your YWB friends to update their blog already? Maybe they'll listen to you at least.
Well, I guess it's official. CAD: The Animated Series killed Fletcher.
The poor bastard is probably still hung over.
...Did you die? D:
Man, even badwebcomics is updating now. I miss MAYAMS.
Here's a semi-nude of Buckley when he posed for sexiest gamer: http://www.imagepup.com/up/lniH_1209643101_tim2.jpg
So... is this blog dead, then?
SPOILER: Fletcher got killed by Buckley.
B^U
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